比吼叫更管用的,是游戏——如何用游戏引导孩子合作...

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      【亲子沟通如何说专家微评】游戏,在绝大多数父母心里就是陪伴孩子玩耍的方式:捉迷藏、满屋打闹、过家家。而当孩子不合作、或双方情绪不佳,怒上心头时,游戏这个万能法宝,还能用孩子最明白的方式,表达情绪,又赢得合作,一起来学习一下吧!
       作为一个需要同时应付两位男宝的妈妈,在无数次的实践中,我发现游戏力是最有魔力的,轻松就能搞定平时难解的冲突。总结一下,我常使用的大概有“三把斧”,既能在家庭的冲突和对孩子设限中,增加些快乐,还确实能与孩子重建联结,赢得合作!
       第一招:拟人化表达你的情绪
       很多时候,父母的心底都特别想做一个好妈妈,好爸爸。因此熊孩子明明已经让你感到生气,还会压抑着,好言好语。等到最后按耐不住时,猛烈爆发,噼里啪啦把孩子一通说。小朋友又会觉得你的火发得突如其来,莫名其妙。所以,与其憋着不知道如何表达,不如在刚开始积累时,就用孩子听得懂的语言去沟通,比如,形象地描述你的感受:
    “我现在就像一只喷火龙,马上就要喷火了,看,鼻子里都冒黑烟了!” 一边说着,一边可以形象地摇头摆尾般“喷火”。
    “如果我是大火山的话,现在肚子里都是熔岩,咕嘟咕嘟在沸腾,你继续这样不和妈妈沟通的话,我可能就要喷发了!”
ddd0000380c57d48b7f.jpg
       记得有一次,我一拖二时,小朋友们满屋跑,一直不去洗漱,当时我累得只想马上躺下。 忍不住一声大吼之后,小朋友有片刻呆滞,而我灵机一动想到一个有趣的方式。我开始蹲下来,假装是青蛙,然后说:“呱呱,我是一只大青蛙,生气的时候,又跳又叫,呱呱!小朋友们还不去洗漱,我就要不停叫呱呱!”孩子们听到我这么说,都哈哈大笑起来,前一刻因洗漱产生的紧张感很快消散,他们也配合地开始洗漱。
       又有一次,周末午睡前,俩兄弟太兴奋,一直在床上聊天翻滚不睡觉。每到午睡时间,我都会有点困顿而易怒。于是我一把抓住哥哥,喊道:“我真想把你变成肚子里的小胎儿!” 带着愤怒的喊叫,在我抓住他时,突然给了我灵感,于是我接着说:“这样子我吃饭你就吃饭,我睡觉你也睡觉,我拉粑粑,你就跟着闻臭!” 哥哥一边笑一边挣扎,我接着说:“哎呀呀,不好了,这个肚子疼得厉害,我要生啦!”然后对哥哥悄悄说:“这时候你要赶紧努力拱啊拱,拱出去!”
       于是哥哥赶紧配合我,一边笑,一边“生出来”。我接着抱着他说:“啊,这个宝宝生出来了,多可爱的宝贝啊!宝贝生出来都需要睡觉长大哦!” 于是本来在床上躲着我,不愿睡觉的弟弟也急忙要求我也跟他玩生宝宝游戏,两三轮后,三人开心睡去。
       第二招:反其道而行之,专治说“不”的小孩
每一个小朋友都有一段特别喜欢说不的阶段,在这个过程里,除了体会到“不”的力量,还验证了自我的意志和父母如何抗衡:
    “宝贝,到时间洗澡了!”
     “不!”
    “现在要睡觉了。”
    “不!”
    “要好好刷牙!”
    “不!”
       凡此种种,可以列举一大堆。一方面要鼓励孩子,另一方面我们也需要孩子们与我们更合作。针对我家老二喜欢说不,我发明了一个游戏,叫“不不王子”。
第一次赠予他这个称号时,很有意思。就在他又一次拒绝去刷牙时,我说:“你那么喜欢说不,以后就叫你不不王子吧!”
      他马上说:“不!”
    “你看,你说不了,看来不不王子非你莫属!”
    “不,不!”
      我一边笑着抱起他,一边说:“不不王子,你千万不要进洗手间里啊!”他一边笑着说“不,不!”一边开心地跟我进了洗手间。
    “不不王子,你现在不能用牙膏刷牙啊!”
    “不,我就要用牙膏!”
    “不不王子,你现在千万别张嘴啊,不然就要被我刷牙了!”
    “不,我就要张着!”
     随后漱口时,他故意把水吐在衣服上。
     不不王子,快把漱口水都吐衣服上,千万别吐洗手池!”
   “不,不!” 他一边笑着说,一边努力把水都吐在洗手池里。
      其实孩子很清楚该做什么,不该做什么,只是说不的“诱惑”太大。与其讲道理或者严肃对待,不如顺着他的“不不”风格,轻松又有趣地接纳这个阶段的他。
     第三招:用游戏轻松设立规则
      爸爸妈妈们经常还会头疼怎样给孩子设立规则。说多了,似乎啰嗦又无趣;说少了,好像孩子又不明白不配合。给孩子设限的过程,只要稍微动动脑筋,也可以变得很快乐。
      某个周日下午,我家老二在泳池遇到幼儿园的嘟嘟,更衣室成了两位特别放声大叫的场所,特别兴奋。在要求他们小声无用后,我灵机一动说:“啊,这么大声说话,更衣室所有人都能听到吧?”小朋友兴奋不已,继续尖叫。 我接着说:“如果我们小声一点呢?”然后很好奇地看着他们:“比如这样?”我声音变小一点。
      两小子上当,更小声学着说:“现在呢?”
我用特别小声又假装很使劲的表情说:“我这么说话你们能听到吗?其他人是不是听不到啦?”
       他们特别开心环顾四周,然后呼应我:“听不到啦~”
       我说:“现在我们约好一起穿上衣服去拿游泳饼干吃吧!”
       小朋友们一边很小声答应我,一边迅速穿好衣服,开心地冲向饼干盒。
       以上就是我用游戏来解决冲突和设立规则的“三板斧”,对我家管用,但你未必能用好,想要真的把游戏力活学活用,以下几点建议,可以试一试:
       第一,游戏力,不是记住什么情景下使用哪个游戏,而是怀有一颗愿意游戏的心。蹲下,从孩子的角度去看问题,好玩的点子就会自然浮现。
       第二,大人情绪低落时,游戏力反而会是好方法。在每一次尝试用游戏力来解决问题时,最大的感受就是这个过程里,我会越来越开心和享受,孩子们也会很愉快。因此,每当你疲惫、焦虑又想不到有什么好办法与孩子合作时,请想到游戏力。
       第三,试错是游戏力进阶的必然过程,不用担心你提出的游戏孩子不接纳,也别灰心游戏没有让孩子与你合作。我曾经还因和小朋友玩游戏,把他惹哭…… 当我们学习用孩子的语言和他们沟通时,这样满满的诚意,孩子是很容易收到的,不信,今天就可以回家一试!
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常青藤精英教育——每一位妈妈的使命!



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YOYO 发表于 2016-9-14 10:10:02
是的,游戏远比吼叫更管用。用一颗愿意陪孩子玩游戏的心,和孩子在游戏中一起学习与成长。
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qhz0-0-1 发表于 2016-9-29 09:22:53
大声训斥一点用都没有,反而会使自己的情绪更糟糕,做游戏这个方法挺好
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